The Lodger Returned

I had hoped that the dusk tide would tow me to sea
Far forever from the touch of another human
Another human hand

The cab driver suggested a perfect nook
A perfect nook of the bay
And he wished me a pleasant swim
Breath of tobacco
Breath of mint
Beads swaying from the rear-view mirror

Every story in the town about me
Yes
All of them are true
All of them are true

I drew a century of salt into my lungs
I kept my shoes on
I kept my belt on
My bag and my jacket billowed against it
For a time, for a time, down down
I had hoped to be a pin, to pass through
A brief and graceful shimmer
As though the ocean were simply
Air of a different colour

Every story in the town about me
Every story in the town about me
Yes
All of them are true
All of them are true

Now, latex gloves scour me
Scour me for clues
Heart, liver, brain
Divisible by scalpel
Closed circuit TV in the street and microscope divining my finals
No evidence of foul play
So say so say the suits on the news
The suits and ties on the news

Every story in the town about me
Yes
All of them are true
All of them are true

~ Brendan Bonsack

Someday Maybe Someday

On the day of my diagnosis there was
A high school shooting on the news
I sat helpless in the waiting room
Someday, maybe someday,
No-one will understand the phrase
High school shooting
Someday, maybe someday

I'm cutting the tags
From the necks of my shirts
To lay neatly and deep in a garden
Oh my finger, my thumb
Oh this scent of the dirt
Take my heart

On the first day of treatment a ferry upturned
I sat dry mouthed in the waiting room
Row boats and flash lights in the gloom
We could only do what we could do
The local fisher people say
Straight down the camera
Then the camera cut away

I'm cutting the tags
From the necks of my shirts
To lay neatly and deep in a garden
Oh my finger, my thumb
Oh this scent of the dirt
Take my heart

Did I live well? Who knows?
I loved for a moment
Just long enough to grieve
I have sat in the presence of
The light behind the leaves
The sum of my achievements
And it's good enough for me

On the day of my diagnosis there was
A high school shooting on the news
I sat helpless in the waiting room
Someday, maybe someday,
No-one will understand the phrase
High school shooting
Someday, maybe someday

I'm cutting the tags
From the necks of my shirts
To lay neatly and deep in a garden
Oh my finger, my thumb
Oh this scent of the dirt
Take my heart

~ Brendan Bonsack

Best Laid Scheme

There's a hole in the sea
That is just my size
Slung over a chair with a room service smile
Oh my best laid scheme with
A tide calling out for my feet

From nowhere
To a little farther from nowhere
I rode in on the back of a bus
No-one knew me but us

I guess I looked out of place
In a sun-drenched town all lily pale-faced
Suit and a tie; a kid asked me why
I still had my shoes on
Down on the beach, ice-cream running down their hands

From nowhere
To a little farther from nowhere
I rode in on the back of a bus
No-one knew me but us

The moon murmurs nightly
And the moon murmurs nightly here lies
The moon murmurs nightly
And the moon murmurs nightly

~ Brendan Bonsack

Speaking with the Fishes

To think that Mars was all ocean once
Down here, some of the older, stranger, fish
Widen eyes and reminisce
They say

We get your type from time to time
Food still clinging to its consciousness
How do you wanna go?

Yes, we had technologies
So very different from your own
But it's all the same you know
All the same once broken down

We know your illness well
Come cry with us
No-one knows goodbye like us
And yet here we are

We get your type from time to time
Food still clinging to its consciousness
We think we'll eat you slow

It was angry at the end
You say you'd never do it
But it was friend against friend
And friend against friend
Is such an easy road to ruin

We know your illness well
Come cry with us
No-one knows goodbye like us
And yet here we are

~ Brendan Bonsack

The Party Next Door

I had hoped to be a pin
A brief and graceful shimmer
To pierce that darkest water
To lodge down in the deep

But the heart has other ideas
The heart has a mind of its own
The heart knows how many beats remain
The heart keeps this to itself

Four beats in the bar at last drinks
Three more as I climbed the stairs
Two to the fall of the curtain
In one more time to the bed

I was a story made up in my head
I was drowned by the sounds
Of a party next door
And left the old sea waiting

I mingled with the revellers
Wallflower as a ghost
They were arms in arms and dancing
They were swilling down a toast

I was the background radiation
In their kisses, in their cheers
The heartbeat of the party
I was the spirit of new years

I was a story made up in my head
I was drowned by the sounds
Of a party next door
And left the old sea waiting

I had hoped to be a pin
A shimmer never found
But they found me in the morning
And now the story's out

~ Brendan Bonsack

Crash in Yellow

I am eight years old
The canola fields are spreading
Their yellow all around

The old car radio
Is half off the station singing
The happiest tune, happiest tune it knows

Mother in the front seat
Hands on the wheel
She doesn't know the words well
But she sings along

Did you see, Mama
The car overtaking
The headlights before us
The truck alongside us
The nowhere to go?

They say you see your whole life
But I am eight years old
My mother is my whole life
Don't take away my whole life

Yellow and yellow and yellow
And crows in a field
Sunlight on the metal
How your body steels itself
Against the pull of the cold
Cold stars calling
Come back to nothing
We want you we want you

Did you see, Mama
The car overtaking
The headlights before us
The truck alongside us
The nowhere to go?

They say you see your whole life
But I am eight years old
My mother is my whole life
Don't take away my whole life

And if this minute
Sees us survive
I promise, I promise

~ Brendan Bonsack